Thursday, November 28, 2013

Wild Turkey

It is late November.

The two leggers are busily preparing for their annual Thanksgiving feast.

Normally this annoy me greatly.

They scrub my Kingdom from top to bottom. They clean out my hidey holes and harvest my latest crop of dust bunnies. They re-organize everything that they deem disorganized. They even go so far as to replace the drapes that I have spent many hours shredding in a most artistic manner.

On the positive side however, they also bring in massive amounts of foodstuffs and leave them in places that any motivated felonious feline can easily access  and abscond with. On the actual day of the feast, a wide variety of food can be found scattered throughout my Kingdom simply waiting for me and my fellow felines to sample and contaminate.

However, I have learned that this year will be different. The two leggers have been invited to spend the day elsewhere. Therefore the manic mopping and desperate dusting has not occurred this year. But thankfully, they will still be providing food and have stocked my larders accordingly.

Now make no mistake, gluttony is not my goal here. Well, not my ONLY goal. It is just a happy by-product of the holiday.

The introduction of so much yummy stuff in my house provides many opportunities for chaos and mayhem. The arrival of twenty grocery bags filled with a veritable cornucopia of munchies immediately warms the heart of every furred denizen. But we must be careful. With so much food laying around, the two leggers have become extremely vigilant. They are constantly alert for the sounds of a cat stealthily stalking a frozen turkey thingy left out overnight to thaw. They conduct hourly security tours in order to avoid a repeat of The Great Pumpkin Pie Pouncing of 2011.

I even heard the female two legger tell the male to put the "yams" in the cupboard so that I would be unable to destroy them.

I don't even know what a "yam" looks like. However, I am fairly certain that I would like to kill one.

And so we wait. I have faith that the two leggers will sleep eventually.

As the night slowly progresses, I notice the two leggers beginning to show signs of fatigue. The female is yawning. The male's eyelids are beginning to droop. It is only a matter of time. (and perhaps the sleep aid I slipped into their wine during dinner)

The excitement is becoming infectious. For Thanksgiving this year, Jaq has written a new song for the occasion. She has replaced the lyrics of Bruce Springsteen's "Born In The USA" using nothing but the word "Turkey". So now instead of singing:

"Born down in a dead man's town
The first kick I took was when I hit the ground
You end up like a dog that's been beat too much
Till you spend half your life just covering up
Born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A.
I was born in the U.S.A.
Born in the U.S.A."

She sings:

"Turkey turkey turkey turkey turkey turky!
Turkey turkey turkey turkey turkey turkey turkey turkey,
Turkey turkey turkey turkey turkey turkey.
Turkey turkey turkey turkey turkey !
Turkey turkey turkey
Turkey turkey turkey
Turkey turkey turkey!"

Her talent for impression is amazing. I know of no one else that can take a Springsteen song and make it sound so eerily like Barry Manilow's "Weekend in New England".

Now that the two leggers have finally groggily headed to bed, it is time for a little fun.......  

Ivan has already claimed the thawing turkey. Curious about the large opening at one end of the bird, he has just invented the Turkey Hat. It seems that the opening was just large enough for him to get his head in, but not quite large enough to withdraw it afterwards. He is presently flopping around the counter attempting to escape. As his best friend, I know I should help him, but only after I get a few pictures and post them on FaceBook.

Tiger Lily is currently fulfilling her dream of becoming a jungle cat and is hiding behind the large head of lettuce. She already walked across the grapes that were set aside for the fruit salad and once again, I smacked her for "wining".

As for myself, I have placed my mark on all the dinner rolls that were in the process of rising. I find that a paw print on every roll makes for a festive table.

By morning our work should be complete. The salad will be tossed, the rolls will be pawed and the turkey will be de-Ivaned.

This may be the first turkey in history that will need to be de-furred before serving.

To all my minions in America, I wish you a very happy Thanksgiving.

To all those in other countries, I wish you a very happy November 28th.

Except those in New Zealand and Australia where due to the time difference, it is already April 31st. 


  1. LOL!! This is quite funny ComMonster Cujo: "I don't even know what a "yam" looks like. However, I am fairly certain that I would like to kill one".
    We call those thingies Sweet Potatoes in my part of the world.
    Happy Holiday Sir!!

    1. Thanks Glenna!
      I hope your holidays are enjoyable as well!

  2. Hi efurrybuddy, Sorry we have been missing for a little while. With the humans traveling and Mauricio hogging the computer for Cat Scouts, we haven't done very well reading and commenting, but we plan to get caught up with you today. Of course, this post made mom LOL. The humans and the eight of us will all be home today alone with a turkey breast and the nommy side dishes, but nothing has even been started yet. Phooey! Have a wonderfully grateful and Happy Thanksgiving. Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

    1. Glad to see ya back!
      I hope the Kitties Blue had a holiday filled with joy and mayhem!!

  3. I have been reading your blog for sometime, Cujo, and I have to say I absolutely love it!!! What a way with words, makes me just howl! Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours,
    Lucy (Silent MOD-Troy, Ohio)

    1. Thanks Lucy!! Always wonderful to hear from a fellow MOD. I hope you have a blessed holiday season!

  4. We have yams, or sweet potatoes as they're known here, hiding in our cupboard at this very moment. We're watching the woman for any signs of excessive cleaning habits and will report back momentarily.

    1. I await your report with anxious anticipation!

  5. I read your column on my email and love it. Laugh so hard, tears roll. Unable to reply on my email subscription and just found this one. hurray! Keep up the good work and I see a book in your future.
    Elaine Faber, author of Black Cat's Legacy, a CAT MYSTERY soon to be published!

    1. Howdy Elaine!
      I am so happy to hear from you! As far as a book thingy, I have already published two and am currently working on a third. The links to them are at the upper right of my blog thingy. I also have a FaceBook fan club that I welcome all minions to join.
      Please let me know as soon as your book thingy is available and I will be glad to post the link both here in the fan club!
      I hope your holidays are blessed with chaos, joy and mayhem!

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  7. Always entertaining us, even if it is a memory.
    Happy Holidays ComMonster Cujo and Family!

  8. An oldie but a goodie! My husband and I read it and rolled on the floor laughing as we did the first time! Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!