Vanishing Scream

For the last few days, I have been working with Ivan on his "vanishing" skills.

"Vanishing" is a uniquely feline talent that all cats (except Ivan) possess.

The definition of "vanishing" is as follows: The act or ability of suddenly disappearing from a known location, only to reappear in a totally different and unexpected alternate location. This ability is generally used to befuddle and confuse two legged minions. It may also be utilized as a method of escaping an undesirable situation. But mostly it is used for amusement purposes.

Vanishing is achieved with the accomplishment of three distinct steps:
1. Disappearance
2. Concealment
3. The Return

Last night I demonstrated for Ivan a perfect example of vanishing. I was laying on the bed when the two leggers decided that it was time to retire for the evening. As the male two legger turned his head to check his clock thingy, I vanished.

One moment I am sleeping soundly in the center of the bed, the next moment, I am gone. The two legger immediately starts searching the bedroom in a futile attempt at finding me. The door is closed, so he knows I am somewhere within the confines of the bedroom. He looks under the bed, behind the curtains, beneath the bed again in case I shot under there while he was searching the curtains, beneath the dresser, in the closet, beneath the bed again, under the covers, he makes the female check the pockets of her pajamas.

Standing in the middle of the room, scratching his head in confusion, he slowly becomes aware that I am sitting behind him, casually licking a paw.

I have returned.

His screams of joy are music to my ears.

The male is befuddled, Ivan is impressed, and I am amused.

Ivan's attempts at vanishing are just kind of sad. Though he tries hard, he is simply unable to grasp the concept. He has the first part down. He can "disappear", but then it always goes awry. He is unable to maintain the secrecy of his hidey hole. Most times he can be spotted because he forgets he has a tail and leaves it sticking out in plain sight. Even when he manages to hide his entire bulk, he gives himself away when he begins giggling uncontrollably. I am quickly coming to the realization that vanishing may simply be beyond Ivan's ability.

If his attempts were not so embarrassing to all felinedom, they would be amusing.

Unfortunately, this will be my last post for a couple of weeks. My male two legger is going to his Vet tomorrow and having surgery on his paw. I will be required to attend to him and make sure he is entertained.

I hope they make him wear a cone thingy.