Thursday, March 3, 2011

Compete Fools

Today I did some pondering.

I know that many of you will say: "But Cujo, you are always pondering!"

Today I was doing some truly deep pondering

No, not "What is the meaning of life in the universe?" type pondering. I've already cracked that nut thingy.

But deep pondering none the less.

I was pondering the compulsion that two leggers have to compete with one another.

Anyone who has spent any time at all watching the talking box thingy has surely noticed that the majority of mindless programs involve some type of competition. Two leggers do not seem happy unless they are showing that they are better at something than other two leggers.

They compete in contests to find out who is better at thinking, running, singing, dancing, cheating, unsound decision making, cooking, eating, fighting and hitting a small white ball around a park, just to name a few.

At any given time, I am sure that half of the two legged population is busy attempting to prove their competitive prowess while the other half is watching them at home on their talking box thingies.

Sometimes they compete individually, sometimes in pairs, packs or teams.

I find this curious. I suppose they must get something out of it. I know they are usually rewarded with money or trophy thingies. But being a cat, I have no use for these things. Oh sure, I am aware that money buys catnip, and I know from experience that trophies make a satisfying sound when knocked off a high shelf, but still the logic escapes me.

It cannot be the hope that the rest of two legged society is going to remember them throughout eternity. The "Champions" are invariably forgotten as soon as the next competition begins. (Unless they are caught in a drug scandal and then their fame lasts somewhat longer, but not much)

It cannot be for establishing dominance or authority, the two leggers spend a full year "electing" their leaders and then the next three years grumping about how bad they are.

Once again, two leggers should learn from their feline superiors. The only reason to compete is for fun.

My definition of fun is as follows:
1. Anything that causes discomfort in others.
2. Anything that causes major structural damage.
3. Anything that makes a two legger jump from their bed at 3 a.m. and run screaming in elation through my house spraying the water squirty thingy at anything that moves. (preferably Tiger Lily)
4. Anything that causes Tiger Lily to whine.
5. Ritual Squirrel sacrifice.

As far as competition for dominance or authority, we simply smack each other around until someone hides under the entertainment center. Or until Tiger Lily whines and we end up declaring a tie and spend the rest of the evening smacking her.


  1. Can you describe the Ritual Squirrel Sacrifice some day? We must be doing it incorrectly, as our Humans STILL insist on autonomy.

  2. As soon as I catch one, I will let you know the proper rites. I believe it will involve torture and hedonistic dancing.

  3. Oh yes, there will definitely be nomming.