Thursday, July 2, 2015

I'm In Heat.....

Here in the Pacific Northwest, we have only three seasons.

Two rainy seasons separated by Summer.

In a "normal" year, Summer begins on July 5th and usually runs it course by the early evening hours of July 7th. However, this year is different. Summer showed up in early June, and has refused to leave. Like an unwelcome house guest, it has shown up unexpectedly, without invitation, and will not take a hint. 

I do not like Summer.

The heating pad hides in the closet. The firebox thingy goes dormant like a sleeping dragon who can't be bothered to breathe its fiery exhalation. The bathroom floor, usually so cozy and warm, refuses to attend to its duty and remains cold and decidedly uncozy.

In contrast, the sunbeam, whose appearance is usually sporadic and unpredictable at best, has outstayed its welcome and become overly aggressive. It no longer gently warms and caresses us as we bask in the bay window. Instead, it seeks to bake and dehydrate us as if we have angered it in some manner and it wishes to punish us.

Some will say that it is not so bad because it is a "dry heat". My response: Ovens cook using "dry heat".

The days are long, sweaty, irritating, brain-numbing and stinky. I suppose this is why they are known as "dog days".

No, Summer does not amuse me.

This Summer is proving the most annoying on record. My Outer Kingdom is dry and parched. There is no cooling breeze.

Ivan just lies in the hallway like a stinky orange speedbump, only stirring when he hears the rattle of the two leggers filling his food bowl. Granted, laying idle is not particularly unusual for Ivan, but he is normally idle in a more active manner. His frantic inactivity is at an all-time low. I have tried to cheer him up by tossing Q-tips (his natural prey) at him, but he remains morose and disinterested.

Tiger Lily has been spending her days in the various, dark nooks and crannies.Obviously her strategy is to hide from the heat. Like Ivan and I, she tends to sleep more during the daytime while coming out in the cooler evening hours to get in her daily whining. Though her whining is as annoying as ever, in this heat, I cannot justify the effort it would require to smack her. Plus, if I am completely honest, I actually find myself agreeing with her complaints.

Jaq seems to be the only four legger unaffected by this heatwave. In fact, I suspect that she may be actually enjoying it. While the rest of us lay around in a heat-induced stupor, she bounces through the house singing various songs by The Beach Boys. While I find "surfer music" annoying, I didn't find her behavior intolerable until she suddenly jumped on the ironing board and belted out her rendition of "Surfing USA" while "hanging ten". Fortunately this drew the ire of the male two legger who removed the ironing/surf board and put it in the closet. Abashed, but undeterred, she settled down and softly hummed "Summer Breeze" by Seals &Croft.

According to the two legger whose job it is to guess the weather, there appears to be no end in sight to this massive heatwave. However, I have a plan.........

Tonight, we will honor the Native American Culture by performing a "Rain Dance".

A few hours after the two leggers go to bed, Ivan and I will begin the ceremony. It will involve house plants (representing nature), a water glass or two (representing....well, water), chanting (Jaq will suffice) and much thumping and wailing.

I am also considering a blood sacrifice, but I fear that Tiger Lily may already be suspicious..... 


  1. Oh my, it must be very hot if you are too overcome to smack Tiger Lily. Or else there is a blue moon out there Cujo.

  2. Two rainy seasons separated by Summer. LOL!
    I like your idea of a "Rain Dance."