Work, Work, Work (Continued)

When last we left our handsome, young, dashing, bi-colored protagonist, I was describing how overworked and underpaid I am.To illustrate this I decided to describe a typical day in my life.

I had described my day up to the point where the two leggers had departed for work. I now pick up the narrative where I left off...........

0815-Having seen the two leggers more or less safely off to work, it is time for The Morning Meeting. Per my orders, all four leggers are required to attend. During this meeting, I assign daily duties and form strategies for dealing with any challenges we may face. I welcome all input, critique and complaints from my fellow felines with the caveat that if something I hear displeases me, I may smack Tiger Lily with little or no warning.

0900- I adjourn The Morning Meeting having made the following assignments:

Jaq is on "Crumb Patrol". She is to wander the house, scouting out leftover morsels of food to be stalked, attacked and eaten. Once she locates a potential food source, she reports back to me the location, size, yumminess and potential for two legger retribution once they discover evidence of unauthorized nomming. 

I have given Ivan the much coveted duty of "Squirrel Watch". He is to track the movements of the squirrel throughout the day, keeping me informed of any squirrely or squirrel-like activities. Should the squirrel approach within hailing distance, he is to summon me immediately in order that I might hiss, hurl insults and mercilessly make hissing and chittering noises at the offending rodent.

Tiger Lily has been assigned the duty of "Ivan on Squirrel Watch...Watch". Ivan often gets distracted or confused when watching the squirrel and if not closely supervised, can occasionally been found sitting in a window, watching a butterfly while making a "Huh-huh-huh" sound. Meanwhile the squirrel thingy goes about his squirrely business completely unobserved. Tiger Lily's job requires her to whop him upside his noggin whenever he show signs of distraction.

I will spend the day cataloging the vast variety of bird thingies that visit my yard on a daily basis. Aside from identifying them, I also attempt to determine several of their traits such as:
What do they feed on?
How do they reproduce?
How big are their flocks, or are they solitary?
Are they easy to catch?
What flavor are they?
Are they gluten-free?
How many per serving?

0915- A sunbeam appears, so I decide the bird thingies can wait a while and decide to nap.

1115- I awaken with a start, realizing that no birds have been cataloged all day and the sunbeam has relocated to another window. Being a true believer in the "No sunbeam left behind" philosophy, I track down the elusive sunbeam and take another nap.

1235- Jaq cautiously awakens me to report that she has found three moderately intact potato chips between the couch cushions, a grape next to the trash bin and saving the best for last.....a frozen chicken breast thawing in the microwave. While we munch the chips and grape, I ponder the chicken breast. It appears to be safely ensconced within the microwave, however, I feel there must be a way to liberate it and feast upon its juicy goodness.

1245- I ponder the chicken breast.

Over the next few hours, I alternate between pondering the chicken breast and napping. I know I am neglecting the birds outside, but as they say: "A bird thingy in the microwave is worth two in the yard".

1630- I have only another hour or so before the two leggers return home. Even as I watch, the thawing chicken appears to get juicier and juicier. I believe it is mocking me.

1730- In desperation, I order Ivan to bang his head repeatedly against the microwave door. On the 31st impact of Ivan's head, the door pops open. I retrieve the chicken breast and we all sate ourselves on this incredible windfall.

I even saved a piece for Ivan to enjoy....... once he regains consciousness.    

1755- In a happy coincidence, Ivan wakes up just as the two leggers return home. They enter the kitchen just in time to find him starting to enjoy his reward.

1809- For the past several minutes, I have been listening to a long string of dialog containing words that I suspect the male learned during his time serving in the U.S. Navy. I also notice that though the male is convinced of Ivan's guilt, the female keeps glancing in my direction.

I think she might suspect something. There may come a time when she will become a liability.

2000- The two leggers have settled down to watch their favorite shows on the talking box thingy. This is our cue to race around the house, knocking over knock-knacks, hissing, fighting and causing general hate and discontent. We do this for their health. I have read many articles that warn against affects of a sedentary lifestyle. By forcing them to rise from the couch every five or ten minutes, they are enjoying the benefits of a nightly cardio workout.

As usual, our efforts go completely unappreciated.

2330- The two leggers have retired to their bedroom and so our busy day comes to a close.

For the 2438th day in a row, I have labored to provide the two leggers with the domestic lifestyle they enjoy.

For the 2438th day in a row, I have yet to be paid a single dime.

Who's underpaid now?