Monday, December 23, 2013

Yule Be Sorry

I have written a Christmas carol thingy.

As you all know, my poetic skills have often been labeled as "questionable", "irresponsible" and even "dangerously disturbing".

In fact, my poetry has been banned in all fifty states....and Arkansas.

However, since it is the Christmas season, I have decided the heck with it, I'm gonna do it anyway.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Ivan the Red-Furred Dimwit

Ivan the red-furred dimwit,
Had a very tiny brain.
And if you ever met him,
You would probably go insane.

All of the other felines,
Used to laugh and call him "dork".
They always said that Ivan,
Smelled a little bit like pork.
Then one rainy Christmas Day,
Cujo came to say:
"Even though your brain's so small,
I'll give you my Christmas tree to maul"

Then how the felines loved him!
As they saw him take the blame.
Ivan the red-furred dimwit,
The tree will never be the same!

That was so fun, I believe I'll try another:

Oh Whiney Night
Oh whiney night,
The gray one's gonna get it.
I'll smack her down,
And then I will nap.

Oh whiney night,
She never stops her whining.
Sometime she must sleep,
And then I'll make my move.

Pounce on her now!
And greet the new found silence!
Oh paw-aw divine!!
Strike her down and victory is mine!

Okay, if you insist, one more:

O' Little Catnip Mousie Thingy
O' little catnip mousie thingy,
How still I see thee lie.
Beneath the chair,
And covered with hair,
I've decided that you must die.

O' little catnip mousie thingy,
You Know you amuse me so.
I bat, you fly
And then you die.
Until under the fridge, you go.

But in the hallway lurketh,
A most disturbing sight.
The two legger
Without his fur
Is sleepwalking tonight.
Jaq has now been singing these carol thingies for the last 17 hours straight. 

The two leggers have since made up their own Christmas carol thingy.

It is called "Shut the Heck Up Cats! We Gotta Work Tomorrow!"

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la.

I wish you all a very merry Christmas and a blessed New Year!


  1. Thanks for a peek inside your Castle, ComMonster, Sir!! Have a Great Holiday w/your 4 and 2 leggers!! (I laughed profusely again!)

  2. Darn it, you made me sing your lyrics out loud! What amazing powers you have Master Cujo! Dana from Alaska

  3. Merry Christmas, Cujo! I love your Christmas Carols - they have that je ne sais quoi kitty spirit!

  4. Those are very catching carols Cujo! We enjoyed them furry much, MOL

    Sasha, Sami, & Saku

  5. Meowy Catmas! What a way to start a new, most excellent Holiday Traditions with these carols.

    Eat (ham) drink (cream) and Sniff Nip!!

    Love, The Katnip Lounge Kats and Mommy Trish

  6. MOL! We'll be sing these all day! Merry CATmas!

  7. Hey, Dexter's name fits right in perfect in place of "Ivan". MOL! Touche' Ginger boy! Great songs man!

  8. As a poetress I must say that those were quite good.

    One lesson my mentor the late, great, Nikita, taught me is that there is no right or wrong way to writing a poem.

    Meowy Chrissymouse!

  9. Hehehehe!! We loved your Merry Poems and LOL!!
    Merry Christmas!
    Your TX furiends,

  10. Hope you had a fantastic Christmas, and wonderful poetry. Not quite Shakespeare, but enjoyable.

  11. Mauricio has also taken to writing both songs and poems. It really is so much fun to see what you all come up with. Mom's and our favorite was the first one, especially since it came with a photo. Hope y'all had a pawtastic MEOWY CATMESS. Ours was incredible. Humans full of guilt from deserting their beloved kitties so much can be very generous. MOL. Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

  12. Holiday Purrs to all and to all a maul night