Friday, July 5, 2013

Blown Away

Every year, from about the 2nd of July to around the 6th of July, the two leggers that live in the vicinity of my Kingdom lose their minds.

Normally they are conscientious, polite, and reasonably sane (my two leggers excepted). For the most part, there are few loud parties and very little yelling or fighting. From what I have observed on the talking box thingy, I live in what could safely be called a "quiet" neighborhood.

However, come July, these normally sedate individuals suddenly get the urge to go out and buy massive quantities of explosives and proceed to turn their backyards into war zones.

I have always been curious about this disturbing behavior. So, I decided to do some research.

I am now an expert on the history of firework thingies.

A very long time ago, (around the time my male two legger was born) a group of two leggers that wore pointy hats and ate rice with sticks, discovered that if they mixed a bunch of powdery stuff together, shoved it in old toilet paper rolls, put a string in one end, and then set the string on fire, it would blow up and annoy their neighbors.

Over the following centuries, they developed ever more creative recipes for the powdery stuff that made it explode with different colors and patterns. Some shot very high in the air and burst in flashy flowery displays, some simply made a big bang and shook their neighbor's house like Ivan jumping down from a cabinet top.

Around two hundred years ago, a two legger Native American named Jimmy Tenfingers went to the land of the pointy-hatted two leggers and was awestruck by their propensity for annoying their neighbors. However, in typical American fashion, Jimmy felt that the formula could be improved upon. Upon his return to America, he declared that the firework thingies were the most patriotic way of celebrating the birthday of our great nation.

At first his fellow Americans were skeptical. But after Jimmy (now known as Jimmy Eightfingers) made it clear that the firework thingies were best enjoyed with copious amounts of beer and other alcoholic beverages, the Americans saw the genius in his logic and took to the new tradition like Ivan to a cheese doodle.

Soon, Americans everywhere were blowing up their backyards and annoying their neighbors.

Jimmy Sixfinger's fame grew. Before long, he began to sell his firework thingies not just to celebrate Independence Day, it also became traditional to annoy your neighbors on New Years Eve as well. So now, twice a year, two leggers all over the world attempt to outdo each other by seeing who can make the loudest bang or the biggest boom.

By the time of his death, Jimmy Onefinger's legacy had reached every corner of the Earth.

In fact, it is in tribute to Jimmy that whenever one neighbor annoys another, they are invariably saluted by holding up a single finger.




17 comments:

  1. LOL Cujo!! Your powers of observation are quite acute!! This is Priceless : "in tribute to Jimmy that whenever one neighbor annoys another, they are invariably saluted by holding up a single finger." Wow what a keen cat you are! :)

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    1. The bird!!!!ROFL!!!! Lo Singer

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  2. Thanks for finding out who's to blame for all that cacophony on the Fourth. It is really annoying human behavior.

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    1. I totally concur. Next year I plan on smacking some neighbors.

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  3. Exceptionally good ending. We should have seen it coming, but we didn't. Thanks for another delightfully amusing post. Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

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  4. well. We thought it was gonna be a "thumb up"!

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  5. Makes you wonder how the 2 leggers decided it would be a good thing to shove explosives in a toilet paper roll and light it up. Hmmmmm...
    ; ) Katie

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    1. I am reasonably sure that there was beer involved :)

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  6. Wow, you is quite the hisstorian Cujo! We nevers knowed that before. It sounds furry strange to us,'cuz here in Canada no one is allowed to use fireworks at their own house. Which is a good think, 'cuz we'd probably be UTB!

    Thanks for the hisstory lesson, MOL

    Sasha, Sami, & Saku

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  7. Imagine that! Only two leggers to come up with silly things like that!
    And I suppose that tribute finger is not a thumb, is it?

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  8. RE: come July, these normally sedate individuals suddenly get the urge to go out and buy massive quantities of explosives and proceed to turn their backyards into war zones.


    There is just no understanding Humans sometimes, but we have grown used to the bedlam every year, so much that we were surprised that the neighborhood in our part of Houston, our new home, was quiet this year.

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