The Two Legger Litter Box

One of the questions I am most commonly asked is: "What's the deal with cats and bathrooms?"
The answer to this mystery is actually quite complex.
The first thing to consider is our aversion to closed doors. (See earlier post) Given the fact that the bathroom door is the one door in the house that is almost always closed, we as cats see it as our duty and obligation to see that it is opened as often as possible.
The bathroom is invariably the warmest room in the house. enough said.
The next consideration is our sheer curiosity. The bathroom is an enigma to us felines. Two leggers use the bathroom for a myriad of reasons. Aside from it's use as a large self- cleaning litterbox, it is also used for grooming, bathing and reading. This shows a clear lack of sophistication. No self respecting cat would ever groom itself while remaining in its own litterbox. Reading and cleaning there is also out of the question. I also observe the two leggers deliberately spraying water on themselves each and every morning. This behavior is truly confusing to me. When I act in a manner that displeases them, the two leggers spray me with water. Yet every morning they stumble half asleep to the bathroom and spray themselves. You see my dilemma.
Perhaps the main reason we insist on being present in the bathroom, is that the irritation this causes provides us much amusement. That is why we wait exactly 45 seconds after door closure before we demand entry. This 45 second grace period enables the two legger in question to become fully seated on the self cleaning litterbox. The amusement this causes cannot be measured. If the water spraying thingie is turned on, it is good to wait an additional two minutes for maximum effect.
In closing, if at all possible, keep at least one spider in each bathroom. A large hairy spider can enhance your enjoyment and provide a tasty snack.