Doors

I am exasperated. For the longest time, I have been trying to teach my two leggers door etiquette. It is a fairly simple concept:
1. The one place I wish to be is on the other side of a closed door. It doesn't matter that I was just there, once the door is closed, I wish to be on the other side.
2. Once you open said door, you must stand with your hand on the knob while I pass
through the doorway contemplating whether the room you are in is more desirable than the room I am departing.(this may take several minutes)
3. You may say things like "in or out!" or "make up your mind!" This will have no
effect at all on my ritual, but if it makes you feel better, you have my permission.
4. If you happen to see a closed door that has a paw reaching under it, you are
expected to place a toy (preferably a catnip mousie thingie) within easy reach of
said paw. If the paw should then knock the toy out of reach, this was done on
purpose and you are expected to put it back within reach.
5. Doors are considered alternative scratching posts.
6. If you continue to ignore these simple rules of common courtesy, there will be
consequences. If you value your shoes, you will comply.