This Old Cat House

Once again i have failed in my efforts to understand the two leggers. Allow me to explain:
The female of the species spends much of her leisure time watching the talking box thingy. Most of the people on the talking box thingy are telling her how to redecorate my house. She then tells the male two legger to leave and return with things that will apparently make my house look like the house on the talking box thingy. Confused? It gets better.
Everything the male returns with is spotless. No scratches. No threads out of place. No stains. Now after having watched this very same talking box thingy from my vantage point on the lap of the female, I have seen that the preferred condition of these things should be "distressed". Something about shabby being chic. I know nothing about shabby, (unless Ivan can be counted) but if there is one thing i do know, it is distressed. I consider myself an expert on causing both stress and distress. Therefore i see it as my duty to provide my professional touch to the aforementioned furnishings. This generally causes the female to stamp her feet and shout with joy.
However, just as i get the furnishings to the proper level of distress, the female sends the male away from the house and he returns once again with all new stuff. I only hope that someday they will make up their minds and accept their fate.
Well, for now i've got a lot of work ahead of me. The two leggers have just finished what they call a "remodel" and that stuff isn't gonna mark itself.
Since I've so much to do, I've asked Ivan to smack Tiger Lily for me. Everyone needs a designated hitter on occasion.