Over the last several weeks, I have received numerous comments referring to my two leggers as being my "slaves". I take exception to this misnomer. I have never considered them to be my slaves. Please allow me to explain:
My male two legger spends much of his free time watching the talking box thingy. His favorite channel is probably the History Channel. Therefore, I have learned much of two legger history while gracing him with my presence.
Now as I understand it, slavery was something the two leggers practiced during the darker parts of their development. One group of two leggers found another group of two leggers and forced them to do their bidding. The group that subjugated the other group were known as the "masters". The subjugated were the "slaves". Obviously this was not an equally beneficial relationship.
Now, I can somewhat understand why one might consider yours truly to be a "master" and my two leggers my "slaves", but please consider this: Did the two legger slaves go to a shelter and look for the cutest master to take home? Have you ever heard of a cat chasing down a runaway two legger?
I prefer to think of my two leggers as minions. While I am of course the supreme ruler of my dominion, rather than a state of slavery, I consider it to be more of a benevolent dictatorship. They provide me with all that I need: Food, places to sleep, litter box service, catnip mousie thingies....etc. In return, I bless them with my presence. I warm their laps. I slay their dust bunnies and scowl at their squirrels. I even take the time to smack any whiny pets they may adopt.
This is a mutually beneficial relationship. They are not my slaves, they are my thralls.
Now, that being said, like any good dictator, I must rule with an iron paw. When the two leggers act up, they must be punished. The severity of punishment varies with the seriousness of the transgression. Anything from a snubbing to complete designer shoe destruction. If I am too busy, or just disinterested, I send Ivan to administer justice. The only problem with relegating this duty to Ivan is that he can occasionally be a bit over-enthusiastic in his judicial endeavors. Luckily, my two leggers have learned their lesson and now keep a copious supply of band aid thingies.