I Love Tail

Got your attention with that title didn't I? Get your mind outta the litter box. The tail to which I refer is my own.
Now I'm not one to brag, but I may have the best tail in all catdom. It is an incredible ten inches long, giving me an overall length from nose to tail tip of 20 inches. That's right, my tail is the same length as the rest of my body. Cool huh?
The ladies love it. Ivan envies it. Tiger Lily whines about it.
My tail has many uses. Not only does it contribute to my regal bearing, it is an instrument of communication.
If it is pointed straight in the air, I am happy. All is right in the world. The two leggers can rest easy for the moment.
If it is waving lazily in the air, I am amused. I may have just smacked Tiger Lily, or confused Ivan, or possibly I may have just returned from a visit to my catnip stash. Whatever the cause, I am content.
If you should observe my tail twitching, hide your children, lock your closet door, check that your first aid kit is fully stocked. Something is about to bleed. Only carnage will satisfy the twitchy tail.
My tail keeps my paws warm when I sit, glaring at the two leggers.
It works well as a nose tickler when the two leggers are trying to read.
If I am startled, I can make it totally poofy thereby increasing my apparent body mass by 125%, but I also have the unique ability of making only parts of it poofy. This confuses the two leggers, therefore I try to do it often.

Ivan on the other hand has a shameful tail. It is barely four inches long. He resembles a corndog with legs. I personally would not go out in public sporting such a stub. When he poofs it, he looks like he has a traffic cone stuck to his butt.
Well, I've got things to do and people to smack.

Just a quick shout out to a fellow four legger, Yo Moo!