Ivan's Thought

I am amused.

Today the two leggers went outside to work in my yard. As they left, they neglected to turn off the talking box thingy. 

The channel that it was tuned to featured a two legger yelling about how we could improve our lot by simply "thinking" our way to happiness. I was beyond bored and decided to supervise the two leggers from the sliding door.

However, I found it increasingly difficult to maintain my vigil with the constant drone of the two legger touting the "Power of Positive Thinking".  I quickly grew annoyed and turned to give the talking box thingy a proper tongue lashing when I noticed that Ivan was enraptured by whatever snake oil this two legger was attempting to peddle. 

Intrigued, I began paying attention.

It was his theory that by imagining good fortune, good fortune would naturally ensue. If one wishes to become rich, one need only imagine that they have money. If one wishes to be healthy, imagine it and you will never be sick again.

Rubbish. I have often imagined the squirrel's demise, and yet he still breathes. I have plotted, planned and even solicited his murder, and his mangy little heart beats on.

Yet Ivan was hooked.

I found this ironic because I was "positive" that Ivan was incapable of "thinking". Ivan is now convinced that if he thinks hard enough, he will become one of the world's great thinkers. 

I asked Ivan for a demonstration of his new technique. 

After five minutes of "thinking", Ivan's whiskers began to twitch. He developed a tic in his left ear. His right eye leaked a tear and a small rivulet of drool escaped his mouth. Without warning, his body went rigid and he fell over on his right side where he lay unmoving for five minutes. Just as I was about to start dividing up his toys, he sat up and yelled "I'VE DONE IT!"

"What have you done oh floofy one?" I asked.

"I had a thought!", he replied.

"And???"

"I think I'm hungry!"

I stand corrected.