Tuesday, May 31, 2011
The Deer Stalker
I am annoyed.
This morning, I was awakened by the unwanted sound of two leggers oooohing and aaaahing to beat the band.
This annoyed me on two counts. First of all, I was awakened by the two leggers. This goes against the natural order of things. I am the awaker. They are the awakees. The temerity of the two leggers reversing our roles was enough to puff my hairballs, but the ooohing and aaahing brought me to the realization that before the sun thingy reached its' zenith, I would be using bleach in an attempt to destroy blood splatter evidence.
However, being the curious creature that I am, I decided to investigate the cause of the two leggers' obvious descent into suicidal behavior.
I found the future victims of homicidal violence standing at my backdoor slidey thingy looking out into the back yard. Peering through the glass, I beheld a curious sight. Standing about ten feet away, was a large female deer thingy. This is nothing new. Deer thingies pass through my kingdom almost daily. I allow this because they often chase the squirrel off of the bird feeders and plus they seem to amuse the goat thingies.
The two leggers enjoy watching the deer thingies, but they seemed especially interested today. Moving closer, I realized the source of their amazement. Today, the deer thingy was accompanied by two miniature replicas of itself. While not completely identical to the deer thingy, they had spots, they appeared to be of the same ilk.
They stood approximately one and a half tailspans tall. Their bodies seem to consist of 98% legs and 2% spots. While the larger of the three raided the bird feeders, the two micro-deer frolicked around her legs seemingly without a care in the world. Obviously unaware that they were being watched by an apex predator and protected by a scant half inch of window pane, they capered about while the large one fed.
I suppose they could be called "cute". But this does not excuse the interminable "Oooohs" and "Aaaaahs".
It goes without saying that Ivan was confused. Ivan is confused by doorknobs. So I, of course, decided to confuse him further.
It's just how I am.
I told Ivan that the wee deer thingies were actually normal deer thingies that had been left in the dryer too long.
Now we can add the laundry room to Ivan's ever growing list of fears.
Anyway, while I was messing with Ivan's wee noggin, the two leggers snuck off to work completely unmaimed.
I considered taking out my frustration on Tiger Lily, but she was hiding beneath the entertainment center.
Oh well, the two leggers have to come home eventually.........