The Stranger

I am miffed. I am annoyed. Angry, irritated, P.O.'ed, and furthermore agitated. One could almost say that I am upset. Now, you folks all know how slow to anger and easy going I am, so to say that something has gotten under my skin must come as a mental head smack for you. What has got my hairballs in a bunch?

A stray.

Not just some poor little waif of a vagabond kitty searching for handouts at the gates of my kingdom, but a true feral, bad attitude, bunny munchin, bird stalking, squirrel lover. `

This morning, shortly after consuming my breakfast and giving Tiger Lily her "top o' the mornin to ye" smack, I happened to glance out the sliding door and beheld the largest feline I had ever seen. This thing was not just big, it was like something that one sees munching Tokyo on the talking box thingy. It had the same markings as Ivan, but was much poofier. Paws the size of my food bowl and the mangiest coat seen this side of Kmart. Its' tail had seen better days and I only counted three teeth when it yawned.

My first reaction was to go get Ivan. I considered Ivan, being the big dumb brute that he is, to be better equipped to handle this interloper. However, when Ivan looked out of the window, he mistakenly took the stranger to be his own reflection and immediately grabbed his stash of catnip and flushed it down the toilet.

I was left no choice but to deal with the trespasser myself.

I arched my back in the "Halloween cat" position. I poofed. I twitched my incredible tail. I bared my perfect and complete set of teeth. I hissed and cursed and questioned his lineage. I even told him that he smelled of dog.

It is unfortunate that the two leggers installed insulated windows last year because the stranger was completely unaware of the superior tongue lashing he was receiving.

Finally, out of frustration, I body slammed Tiger Lily into the window causing her cry in her whiny, glass penetrating voice. This annoyed the stranger so much that he left for greener (and less irritating) pastures.

This was of course my strategy all along.

I would also like to give a quick shoutout to my new friend Rumble-Bum. He is a Maine Coon with a great blog. You'll find a link to his blog to the right of my page.