A Christmas Tail

This is a little poem I wrote about what happened last Christmas.

Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through my house,
Came the thump, thump, thumping,
Of Ivan punching a mouse.

The two leggers were sleeping,
All snug in their beds.
Oblivious to the world,
They had taken their meds.

I lay on my throne,
And started to snooze.
I dreamed of smacking squirrels,
And barfing in shoes.

Suddenly something woke me,
A noise on the roof.
Yanking me from slumber
Causing me to poof.

Standing by the firebox,
What did I behold?
A big fat two legger,
Who looked rather old.

He was big, fat and bearded.
He was dressed all in red.
I ordered Mr. Ivan,
To bring me his head.

But, Ivan refused.
He wouldn't even budge.
Because Ivan suspected,
This guy carried fudge.

Ivan begged me to chill,
As I reached for a stick,
"This bozo is none other,
Than good ole St. Nick."

Ivan's determination,
Caused me to pause.
Could this obese vagrant,
Be Santa Claus?

He gives people presents,
He is a merry soul.
But all he ever brings for me,
Is a big old lump of coal.

And so I swore, then and there,
By my jingle balls.
Next time I see him,
I'm giving Santa claws.