Wednesday, September 4, 2013


I find two leggers perplexing.

Especially in regards to their behavior.

I find their behavior to to be a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, rolled up in a tortilla of oddness, cooked at 350 degrees for two hours in the oven of lunacy (375 degrees if above an altitude of 3000ft) and sprinkled liberally with assorted nuts.

The reason I bring this up is because I've recently noticed that two leggers have a compulsion. Well, two leggers have many compulsions. In fact they have so many compulsions that it would take too long to list them all here and it would also bore me. But today I wish to analyze one compulsion in particular.

This compulsion is unique to two leggers. As far as I know, no other creatures possess this compulsion. Not all two leggers suffer from this compulsion, (for instance, my two leggers do not) but it seems that it is growing in popularity.

This compulsion involves the strong desire to alter their own markings. They even have talking box thingy programs about them changing their markings.

I find this perplexing.

 Every time I believe I know what motivates two legger behavior, they come up with something new with which to confuse and annoy me.

 If all two leggers looked alike, it would make sense if they wished to change their markings in an effort to establish individuality. To make themselves stand out from the other two leggers of their breed. But it is my experience that like cats, two leggers come in every shape, color and form. There are short ones, tall ones, fat ones, skinny ones, smart ones (darned few), dumb ones (too many, especially in politics and entertainment), dark-skinned ones, light-skinned ones, those with long fur, those with short fur, even those with no fur. The list goes on and on. There are probably more variations in their species than of any other type of creature on Earth.  

At first I thought they did this to exhibit their bravery and ability to withstand pain. Or, perhaps, they wished to commemorate a particularly momentous occasion in their lives. However, after further study, I have reached the conclusion that my research was inconclusive.

From what I understand, the process of changing one's markings is incredibly painful. They take a small vibrating needle thingy, dip it in ink, and then poke themselves repeatedly until they are happy that they have improved themselves.

This custom was popularized by a midget who worked for Ricardo Montalban and was from the same planet that Luke Skywalker grew up on. He shamed everyone he met by calling them "PLAIN!! PLAIN!!" Thus Tattoo from Tatooine is to blame for this phenomenon and should be smacked if encountered.

As for myself, I have several reasons not get a tattoo thingy. First of all, I am more than satisfied with my current markings. Second, in order to get a tattoo thingy, it would require my being shaved (I have yet to meet the two legger suicidal enough to attempt this). Finally, where pain is concerned, it has always been my philosophy that it is better to give than to receive. And anyway, do you really wish to wake in the morning to THIS?

Ivan on the other paw, has decided that he wishes to get one. However, the tattoo he wants is more practical than decorative. He would like a tattoo inked directly on the top of his head that reads: "THIS END UP".

He says that it would help whenever he gets confused.


  1. Did you see the tattooed Sphinx cats? It's one thing for a human but get a tattoo but do that to a cat without consent is animal abuse. I doubt any cat would ever want one. They are beautiful as is.

    1. Unfortunately I did see that Layla, and I agree with you completely.

  2. Wow Cujo! You are quite stunning in your Birthday Suit!
    I would luv to see Ivan when he gets his new markings. :)

  3. NO tattoos for any cats, please! Two-leggers choice to do so is just what your blog today is about - stupid human behavior and it made me laugh. Bravo!

  4. We all has tattoos in our ears. We don't 'member getting them but mom says they would help us get home if we got losted.

    Maybe two-leggers need markings to get home too? Can't be, 'cuz mom has none but the bean brofur and sisfur do. Hmm...maybe we is as confused as Ivan, MOL

    Sasha, Sami, & Saku

  5. I don't know about that Tattoo for Ivan... Maybe he should try: "Wipe other end"

  6. Cujo, you would not look good hairless. None of us have tattoos. But our mommy does. She even has the logo from our blog on the back of her right calf. We don't care what she does as long as she doesn't do it to us. We MedOL when we read Tim's suggestion for Ivan. Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Misty May, Mauricio, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

  7. Do you know what? My brother, Seville, has a tat. Yup, it's true.

    He came to us that way. One day in December, many eons ago, Seville arrived at our back door. Peep #1 discovered that inside one of his ears, was a tattoo.

    I guess it was for identification or something but the truth is, it was useless. Ol' peepers called every vet from Yarmouth to Halifax, tryin' to find the vet that did that tattoo. No luck. A local shelter even called the SPCA in Alberta, 'cause apparently, tattooing is supposed to be popular there. Still no luck.

    I still have a brother named Seville.