Thursday, August 29, 2013

A Walk in The Pork (Part II)

When last we left our dashing young tuxedo-clad hero (me), I was investigating an intruder in my Kingdom.

Ivan was confused. Tiger Lily was newly smacked and Jaq,...... well Jaq was probably off doing something very Jaq-like.

And now the episode thingy continues......

After smacking Tiger Lily, I turned my attention to the beast in my yard. Ivan joined me in the window and we sat there pondering together while the beast continued rummaging through my flowerbeds. Okay, I sat there pondering. Incapable of pondering, or any other thought related activity, Ivan just sat there grunting in an effort to imitate the strange intruder.

Suddenly, Ivan leaped up and bolted from the room. Soon I could hear him rummaging around in the computer room. After a few minutes, Ivan came back and in a very supercilious manner informed me that he had solved the mystery and identified the intruder. His exact words were: "Hey Boss, I figgered it out. Dat ting in da yard is a '6id'." 

"A 6id?" I asked.

"Yup, it's a gid. I even seen a pixure of it. It is defun.....dufina....surely a 6id."

"Show me this picture" I demanded.

I followed Ivan into the computer room. On the floor was a picture book thingy that the two leggers use to entertain the offspring of their offspring whenever they come visit. Sure enough, the book thingy was open and upon the page was a likeness of the beast in my yard. Unlike the animal in my yard, it was on its back with its legs sticking straight up. Beneath the picture was the word "6id". I ordered Ivan to turn the book around so that the 6id was standing up.

"Wow!" Exclaimed Ivan, "Now it says it's a pig! Musta been some kinda code thingy! You one smart one to crack dat code thingy, boss!"

A pig.

I suppose that I owe Tiger Lily an apology. She won't get one, but I suppose I owe her one.

I returned to the bay window to ponder the pig. It was still rooting around making those disgusting noises. As I watched, contemplating the endless methods of serving bacon, I became aware that the goat thingies had become aware of the pig's presence. They were both jammed into the corner of their pen nearest the flowerbeds. Both of them were laughing hysterically and calling the pig all manner of insulting names. 

"HEEEEEYYYYYY PIGGY PIGGY PIGGY!!! SEEN THE BIG BAD WOLF LATELY?"

"HEY PORKCHOP!'

"YO PORKY! WHERE'S DAFFY?"

Each insult was followed by maniacal laughter and the butting of heads, which is the goat thingy equivalent of a two legger's "high-five"

Finally, out of boredom, or perhaps because it's feelings were hurt, the pig thingy turned and slowly ambled out of my driveway and continued down the road and back to it's sty, three houses east of my Kingdom.

Now I know the question that is on all your minds. And I fear that I must disappoint you all.

Through careful and studious observation, I can say with absolute certainty........

It did NOT go wee, wee, wee, all the way home.

7 comments:

  1. That's probably because it did the wee, wee, wee, in the flowerbed. And possibly the poo, too.

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  2. Don't say pork too loud, Hammy is on this weird superhero kick...

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  3. You scared a pig away? Not many cats can say that.
    By the way, I'm now following your blog via Bloglovin. Looking forward to visiting often.

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  4. Ivan is quite the feline sleuth! I need to hire him to identify some strange 2 legged creatures around here!
    Hope the pig thingy found it's way home OK and as usual, Cujo, another superb blog thingy!!

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  5. We figured it was a piggy. Even though it lives three houses away, we hope that house is downwind of yours. Those guys can sure make the air stinky but probably not as stinky as what our skunks do. Do you have skunks? Our entire valley has become infested with them. Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

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  6. It's such a shame about the wee wee wee thing.

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  7. Wee Willy Bacon Back lets have a Bar-B-Q!

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