Tuesday, September 17, 2013

War and Pieces

I have been pondering of late, and have I discovered the secret to World Peace.

I do not make this declaration lightly. Over the last several months I have devoted literally minutes to this issue.

The issue of World Peace has been a problem ever since the first two legger climbed down from his tree, grabbed a rock, and then climbed another two legger's tree and beaned him on the head with his newly discovered weapon. Having witnessed the first two legger's behavior towards his neighbor, other two leggers began climbing down out of their trees and beaning their neighbors. Soon they discovered that if they banded together, they could bean each other more efficiently and if they used larger rocks.....well, you get the point. Things pretty much went downhill from there.

Except the arboreal two leggers in what would someday be called "France", who devoted their technological evolution to the art of weaving leaves and twigs into large white flags that they would wave at anyone approaching their tree.
After thousands of years of two legggers developing ever increasingly efficient techniques of knocking each other off, they have reached the point where they can simply bean the entire planet and wipe out all life on Earth.

So typical.

Why do they behave in this manner?

Simple. In their twisted sense of logic, they have decided that while assaulting each other on a massive scale is acceptable, simply smacking the offender is not. So all this rage builds up inside them until they convince themselves that they are really really mad not at an individual, but at a whole group of people thereby making it legal to go and give them a major whoopin.

If they simply smacked the original instigator, all of this could be avoided.

Hence my proclamation.

I propose that for one day per month, everyone should just let loose and smack anyone who may have annoyed them in the previous 30 days. No weapons. No partnering up with others. Simply seek out someone you are irritated with, and let your paw fly of it's own accord.

Now I know that I'm gonna get lots of messages from The Society of Bunny Huggin Earth Mommas chastising me for encouraging or promoting violence. However, if they were to take a long hard look at my recommendation, they would soon realize that my idea is sound and would actually reduce violence world-wide.

Think about it:

1. Two legger aggression would be released on a local level as opposed to an international level.
2. Since only annoying two leggers would be smacked, their numbers would dwindle.
3. The most annoying of them, after repeated smackings, may realize that perhaps they should amend their annoying ways.
4. Even if they did not learn to be less annoying, they would at least learn to stay hidden one day a month and thereby giving us non-annoying types a break.

As in all great proclamations, there would be certain exemptions.

Squirrel thingies, six leggers, lawyers, Justin Beiber, Brittany Spears, Miley Cyrus and all whiny gray tabbies would be considered smackable at any time.

I guess what I am trying to say is that two leggers in conflict, as in all things, should strive to emulate their feline superiors.

Now I am sure that at the beginning of this post you were all thinking "Oh great, here goes Cujo off on another rant espousing the use of violence and chaos". But by the end, you have come to realize that I am nothing short of a caring, loving soul who has the best interests of society at heart. In fact, by now you may even be in awe of how benevolent and charitable I have become.

I may even receive one of those Nobel Prize thingies.

If not, I will hunt down those responsible, and smack them.


  1. LOL! Just how many messages have you received from "The Society of Bunny Huggin Earth Mommas"?

  2. Cujo, we knew you would have a caveat concerning Tiger Lily as we know you have NO control when it comes to smacking her. Would be nice if the human's could take your advice to heart. We hope you'll drop by to see us today for our birthday party and commentathon. You could win $$ for your favorite shelter/rescue. Purrs and hugs from the kitties at www.thecatonmyhead.com, Lily Olivia, Misty May, Mauricio, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

  3. We like you thinking Cujo. You should be ruler of the world.

  4. Hmmm, If Only!
    The annoying two leggers are needing a whacking fur sure so I commend any whacker of the whackee