Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Anger Mismanagement

I am not amused.

In fact, I am angry, upset, ticked off, peeved, POed, miffed, irritated, surly, growly, grumbly, grumpy, irked, and grouchy. I am owl-faced and ill-tempered. My smackin paw is twitching to beat the band.

What has me in such a foul mood?

I haven't a clue.

All I know is that my dander is up and someone needs to pay.

As I stalk through my domain, it is evident that my minions are aware of my irritability. Ivan feigns sleep, Jaq seeks sanctuary in a box in the computer room, and Tiger Lily is curiously silent. Even the two leggers give me a wide berth.

For the most part I am a usually a happy-go-lucky sort. Among evil, overbearing dictators, I am generally considered the one that makes enslavement and bondage a fun and joyful experience. It has even been said that I put the "purr" in "Purgatory".

But every now and again, I get a case of the Deep Blue Meanies and feel compelled to unleash my pent up animosity. However, I do not do so rashly or without reason. I am nothing if not fair. I will not simply lash out at some innocent bystander without reason. I must be provoked. My wrath must be earned.

It must be deserved.

In all fairness I must admit that when I am in such a snit, my annoyance threshold is somewhat lower than normal, but I do have my standards.

So in the spirit of fair warning, I will now let everyone know what types of behavior may earn a major smackdown during these dangerous periods:

1. Whining (Okay, that'll earn a smack at any given time, but just showing the propensity to whine will earn a preemptive strike from the smackin paw when I am in a tizzy)
2. Being found or suspected of being a gray tabby.
3. Eating from my food bowl. All food bowls are mine, so I suppose simply eating at all could be considered dangerous.
4. Attempting to pet me.
5. Not petting me.
6. Allowing others to whine in my presence.
7. Napping in my spot. All spots are mine (See #3)
8. Asking me if I wanna work on my blog thingy.
9. Not reminding me to work on my blog thingy.
10. Being a squirrel thingy or engaging in any squirrelish, squirrel-like or squirrelesque activities.
11. Ignoring me.
12. Paying attention to me.
13. Justin Beiber
14. Anything  involving any Kardashian, politics, Smurfs or Honey Boo Boo.

And the thing that really flings my litter: When the two leggers attempt to appease me by offering what they believe is the toy that I wish to play with. After all these years, one would think that they would know exactly which one of my 137 cat toys would amuse me. Granted, my favorite toy changes as often as a professional football player is accused of committing a felony, but my fickleness in choice of playthings should not be considered an excuse for their ignorance of which offering will appease me.

Well, I suppose I should go find something/someone to vent my animosity upon. I will return when I am in a better mood.

Even though Tiger Lily has currently stifled her whining, I suspect she is off somewhere being gray.

She must be punished.

6 comments:

  1. OK ComMonster Cujo, I will give you a wide berth here. You won't catch me mentioning squirrelesque activities or anything involving any Kardashian, politics, Smurfs or Honey Boo Boo. LOLOL! :D

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  2. Dearest Master, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but it sounds as though you may have contacted the deadly P.M.S. or you may be menopausal! How this may have happened, I am not sure, unless someone is attempting a coup d'├ętat. They may have slipped something in your food dish! Be very careful! I will send out faithful minions on reconnaissance, to gather intel on this disturbing occurrence!

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  3. We're almost afraid to leave a comment of any kind for fear of gettin' a smackin'. Our mom get's in grumpy moods for no apparent reason as well, and we give her a wide berth. if we were any of your meowmates, we'd be hidin' UTB. We where thinkin' what the previous commenter wrote, but NO way we're we going to put it in print. Purrs and hugs, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

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  4. Mom says if you were a bean she'd suspect menopause or IMS (irritable male syndrome) but since you're a cat she's got no idea.

    We just hopes you're over it soon cause we is afraid, furry afraid!

    Sasha, Sami, & Saku

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  5. Yikes! That's quite a list! I hope you return to a pre-irritated kind of mood soon!

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  6. MOL! We love your style. A style that we would work towards emulating.

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