Thursday, June 6, 2013

A Day In The Life of An Ivan

This morning I was forced to miss my post mid-morning/pre-late morning nap. Two squirrel thingies were having a dispute beneath the bird feeders and I was compelled to watch them in the hope that one or both of them would pull a knife and reenact the rumble scene from "West Side Story".

However, my prayers went unanswered and only resulted in a small, bloodless wrasslin match in which the smaller of the two surrendered after receiving a world class noogie from the larger, more noogie-proficient squirrel.

Having missed one of the most important naps of the 31 naps scheduled today, I find that I am too exhausted to write a post thingy. But this affords an opportunity to grant a request from my loyal minion Glenna. She has stated in my FaceBook Fan Club that she enjoys the post thingies in which Ivan speaks. So Glenna, your wish is granted.

It isn't easy to convince Ivan to write for the blog, but like any good boss, I finally made him an "offer he couldn't understand".

And so I present Ivan. Remember Glenna, you asked for it.......

Ummmm, Boss say Ivan gotta make wurds again. Ivan don't like makin wurds. Wurds hurt Ivan's head. But Boss say do it anyways. He say Ivan shuld try makin bigger wurds. 

Okay, Ivan try....

How dis for big wurds, Boss?
 Boss say nevermind, just use regeel.....reeegul.....normal wurds. 
I sposed to talk about my day. Ummmmm......dis morning I woked up and my tummy feeled reel bad. Tummy hurt like it was empty. Den fur-lipped two legger give me foods and hurt went away. Den my butt started hurting. Boss tell me to go to litter box. Aftur I go to litter box, my butt stop hurtin. 

Boss reely smart.

Den I watched the talking box thingy for too hours. Sumtimes I tink it is better when it is turned on and showing pixurs. 

Aftur dat, I wuz hungry so I looked under da cowch and fownd a cheez doodle. At leest I tink it wuz a cheez doodle. It looked like a cheez doodle. Kinda like a cheez doodle. It wuz same size as a cheez doodle. It smelled kinda like a cheez doodle. It wuz crunchy like a cheez doodle. It wuz kinda shaped like a cheez doodle. It did not taste like a cheez doodle. Do dey make brown cheez doodles?

Aftur I eated the cheez doodle, me and da Boss watched skwurls fightin. Dey fight funny. It mostly runnin up trees and down trees and up feeder and down feeder. How dey gonna kill each udder if'n all dey do is run? Dis confuses me and hurts my hed thingy. 

So I go take nap.

On my way to go take nap, I forget ware I wuz goin and so I took nap to try to rememeber. Aftur nap, I still culd not rememeber ware I wuz goin, so I thot maybe I shuld ask Boss.

 He told me to go ask Tigur Lily. Tigur Lily say "GET LOST!" I told her I wuz alreddy lost, that why I ask her. So den she tell me I was sposed to go smack da Boss.

 She must tink I stoopid. I just saw Boss and he woulda told me if I wuz sposed to smack him.

So den I go ask Jaq. Jaq told me that big orange tabby cat that live in glass wall in bathroom wuld know. So I go to bathroom and dat cat is dere like always. But, I don't like dat cat. He always make fun of me by imata.....emitat.....emetayt.........doin everything I do. 

I tink he stoopid. 

So I gived up and took a nap.

So dat wuz my day. It wuz just like yesturday only diffurent.

Boss say I can stop makin wurd thingies now. 

Now I git to go take a............ummmmm.......dang, I fergit.


20 comments:

  1. Oh Ivan! You did just Fine! Thanks Cujo 4 lettin' the Big Orange Tabby Speak!!! (BTW...don't tell Da Boss but you are smarter than you think Ivan!)

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    1. i concur glenna - ivan speak jus fine him do ;) thank you cujo for allowing my favorite large ginger make sentences - or at least try :P i give it two paws up

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    2. Sometimes Ivan amuses me :)

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  2. What wondrous thoughts, Ivan! Do share your day again, soon please! ♥

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  3. Haha! Ivan, you had a pretty interesting day. :)

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    1. He is napping now, but I will pass on your remarks :)

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  4. Ivan really is impaired. We think he fell off the turnip truck too many times. Cujo, we have found that if we miss a nap and are too tired to post or strong paw our human into posting, a second or even third breakfast helps to reenergize us. Mom took your book with her to the doctor's office yesterday. She wasn't going to do so 'cause she has a hard time reading it without laughing out loud, but she decided, what the heck. She was laughing so hard she was close to snorting, but all the old farts, sorry...really, really old senior citizens were so deaf, they didn't even notice! She is really glad she didn't scare them into wetting themselves! You all have a great snoozy weekend. Purrs and hugs from the kitties at The Cat on My Head, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Josette

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    1. I totally concur :) Ivan is "special". Hehehehe, geriatric two leggers wetting themselves would have been most amusing :)

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  5. Replies
    1. Please, do not encourage him. It only confuses him :)

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  6. Poor Ivan, he musted run into the wall a few too many times. Oh well, he had a good day! MOL

    Sasha, Sami, & Saku

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    1. After the 30th time he hit the wall, he stopped feeling it and now lives in peaceful ignorance :)

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  7. Those squirrels would have an even better rumble if they had friends on both sides. That would be chaos, delicious chaos if there were birds. Hold on let me speak to Ivan for a minute. Good wurds you talk for boss – good work Ivan but no more brown cheeze doodles.

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