Monday, March 7, 2011

Seedlings From My Farm of Wisdom

I have recently come to the conclusion that two leggers are very fond of using "adage" thingies.

They seem unable to state life's lessons in simple straightforward terms.

They cannot just say "Don't touch that, it may be hot." They have to say something like: "Where there's smoke, there's fire." I'm sorry, but anyone that touches a smoking thingy, deserves every burn they get. (My male two legger can profess to this, he buys burn gel by the 50 gallon drum)

So, I've decided that in the interest of two legger education, I shall attempt to enlighten them with some lessons that I myself have learned, and I will endeavor to use terms that even the two leggers may understand.

1. Look before you leap. SOMEONE (no names, but her initials are Mrs. Dunn) may have left the water in the tub thingy.

2. Never count your chickens before you have estimated the storage space in the ice box thingy.

3. The early bird gets the worm, but the earlier cat gets the early bird.

4. A stitch in time saves nine. Nine stitches in the male two legger gets Ivan grounded for a week.

5. Let sleeping dogs lie. Dogs that are awake are too stupid to come up with good excuses.

6. Neither a borrower nor a lender be. Be a thief and cut out the middleman.

7. A rolling stone may gather no moss, but if aimed correctly, it can take out a teacup poodle.

8. Never put off till tomorrow what you can destroy today.

9. If at first you don't succeed, destroy the evidence and bury the witnesses in the litterbox.

10. Haste makes waste. Ivan makes stinkier waste.

11. Always wear clean underwear before leaving home. (I've no idea)

12. Silence may be golden, but the sound of a dog yelping is platinum.

13. Aim twice, smack once.

14. Keep your friends close, keep your enemies awake.

15. To err is human, to make them do your bidding is feline.

I hope these simple rules for life have helped.

3 comments:

  1. #7 is our favorite. We will try it. Soon.

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  2. Hehehehehehe... yeah, #7 is pretty hilarious.

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  3. I want Äiti to print these and put them on the wall as rules of the kingdom. With a few name changes they'd be perfect here :)

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