G.O.A.Ts. (Goofy Outside Amusement Thingies)

I have living outside my house two incredibly amusing four leggers. They are of the variety that the two leggers call "goats". In fact, they may even be my favorite non feline four legged type critters. I spend hours watching them from various windows in my house. What is it about them that fascinates me so?

I'm not sure.

The two goats (named Bobbie and Gracie) seem cheerful all the time. Normally this annoys me, but in their case, it works. They spend all day in various totally unproductive activities. I respect this. They hate dogs, also worthy of my respect.

Gracie appears to be the leader of the two. This is curious because she also seems to be less intelligent than Bobbie. Granted, her horn thingies are much larger than Bobbie's, and she is somewhat larger, but these things should not automatically bestow authority. If size and lack of intelligence were the standard for leadership, Ivan would be crowned Supreme Ruler for life. Perhaps goat society is based on a different philosophy.

Be that as it may, goats are highly entertaining. Lacking claws and teeth, their only method of defense appears to be their unnaturally hard heads. When threatened, or sometimes for no apparent reason, they will stand on their hind legs, hold the pose for a moment, and then bring their heads crashing down onto the noggin of whoever has roused their displeasure. This produces a sound not unlike the sound that is made by dropping a ten pound lamp on a five pound teacup poodledog. Very amusing. It was once my great honor to witness Bobbie smash a large pitbull so hard that caused the offending beast to wander in circles for five minutes muttering like Bob Dylan's speech therapist.

Occasionally, while they are peacefully munching their grass, one of them will, for no apparent reason, jump straight into the air and take off running, kicking and pitching. I've no idea what triggers this conniption, but I admit it reminds me of Ivan when I tell him a brainwave is headed right for him.

Of all the things I enjoy most about them though, is the chaos they cause when they manage to escape from their enclosure. They always plan their escapes for the middle of the night. This is no bid for long sought freedom, (they never go far) it is simply a way for them to prove to the two leggers that two legger dominance is but an illusion.

As if I haven't proven that more than once. I guess the goats aren't the only species with hard heads.