SPECIAL OFFER!!!

Okay, the whole "Dr. Cujo" thingy did not work out.

Within days of opening my practice, I began receiving correspondence from several organizations that seemed to take issue with my medical endeavors. The American Medical Association (AMA), The World Health Organization (WHO), The Center for Disease Control (CDC), The Arkansas Bureau of Squirrel Husbandry (ABSH) and The International Office of Acronym Administration (IOAA),  all wrote to me express their concerns about my new vocation.

Apparently in order to practice medicine in the State of Washington, one is required to be "licensed". One is required to go to "college".  One is required to "be knowledgeable". According to the many letters I received, it can take up to ten years to become a doctor.

It seems that watching several episodes of The Dr. Oz show and over 45 minutes of internet research (between naps) is not "good enough" for some people.

The heck with that.

So I've decided to make money by other means......

While watching the talking box thingy, I came across something called an "infomercial". It was incredibly annoying and therefore captured my attention immediately. It was hosted by an over-caffienated two legger who was obviously very skeptical of his own intentions as well as doubtful of his own sanity.  He kept shouting stuff like "I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS!!" and "I MUST BE CRAZY!!"

His manic insanity aside, he must have been doing something right because bunches of two leggers were lining up up with their money and credit cards in hand.

I don't even remember what he was selling, only that it was plastic, did a bunch of stuff and he was "practically giving it away".

I can do that........I just need something to sell.......

Have I got a deal for you! 

Today and today only, I am offering this one of a kind deal!

It whines! 
It dines! 
It will drive your pets WILD!!!
Got a neighbor that is always being a nuisance? Throwing wild parties and causing noise? 
Install this beauty and get some revenge! They will beat a path to your door, asking you to "Please, for the love of God, just turn it off!"
Mice and other household pests will leave and never come back!

According to the American Medical Association, stress is the number one cause of death in the United States.....That is why YOU MUST buy this product! 
You can slap, smack and attack it whenever you are feeling down. Guaranteed to lower your blood pressure instantly!

 
Call now and I will even throw in two pairs of Extra Heavy-Duty, Industrial Strength, Justin Bieber-Proof Ear Plugs!!

Don't let this deal get away! Quantities are limited! (one)

BUT WAIT A MINUTE!!!!

Act now and I will throw in this limited-edition, one-of-a-kind Home Amusement Center:

That's right! You too can own this magnificent example of curious insanity! It comes with a complete soundtrack of American Music as well as some selections of 60's British Rock. 

There is nothing quite like waking at 3am to the beautiful sound of "The Who" being sung from a shoebox beneath your bed!  

And it NEVER NEEDS BATTERIES!!!!

Simply place it in the nearest window to recharge the solar cells!

Absolutely FREE!! 

Just pay a separate "shipping and handling" fee ($136.00).

Your order will be shipped to you wrapped in this super special protective "Ultra Blue Zig-Zag" patterned wrapping material at NO EXTRA CHARGE!

ACT NOW!! Our operator is standing by!