Monday, February 16, 2015

The Return of The King Thingy

Most of you are aware that I am recovering from a severe health scare.

Last Friday, I was scritching at Death's door.

However, I am a cat and once the door opened, I decided that I would simply stand there, rubbing the doorframe for a while as a very frustrated Grim Reaper yelled "In or out!! Darn cat!".

I decided "out".

I was in acute kidney failure. But with the blessing of many prayerful and supportive minions, and the expert care of Dr. Crystal Brazle, DVM at "Best Friend's Veterinary Center", I am now on the mend and the prognosis is good.

Now I could make several posts about the characters (both two and four legged) that I have met over the last few days, and at some point I probably will, but tonight I would like to speak about a couple of revelations I have had during this health crisis.

First of all, I realized that if I had crossed The Bridge, I had no plan in place for the continuation of my legacy.  All great leaders implement a "Line of Succession" in case they die or are unable to continue their reign. In most kingdoms or dictatorships, the succession is determined by bloodline. However, in my case, being neutered and all, the chances of my siring any progeny are somewhat slim.

Therefore, I have had to resort to a more logical and intelligently considered Line of Succession. Just like the U.S. Government (except the logical and intelligent part). 

After much pondering, I have decided upon the following as my Official Line of Succession:

1. Jaq- She is the obvious choice to take over if I should shred this mortal coil.
2. Sheba- The backyard feral. She is rough around the edges, but streetwise.
3. Ivan- Too dim by far, but with help, he might not fail too miserably.
4. Bob- Being a Peacock, a bit flamboyant, but would be popular in California.
5. Copper- He's a bit goofy, even for a goat thingy, but I like him.
6. The Bathroom Spider.
7. An intelligent-looking hairball I hacked up the other day.
8. Tiger Lily

Thus my legacy is secured. The entire Universe Thingy may rest easy now.

I had another eye-opener upon my return to my Kingdom earlier tonight. It seems my absence has affected my two leggers in a most unexpected way.

My first order of business when I returned home was to express my displeasure by knocking over the first lamp I saw. Fully expecting to be greeted by the water squirty thingy, I was amazed when the two leggers just smiled, hugged each other and exclaimed "He's back!". I then tracked down Tiger Lily and gave her my patented "Miss Me?" smack. This always draws their ire. They stood there grinning stupidly. Finally, I pulled out the big guns. As she watched, I sharpened my claws on the female's favorite upholstered chair. As she rushed at me from across the bedroom, I thought to myself "Here we go!", but instead of screaming, she swooped me into her arms and hugged me with tears in her eyes.

After much pondering, I have reached a conclusion.

Perhaps the vet thingy drugged them too.

9 comments:

  1. Jaq, #!...Wow! Poor Tiger Lilly. Always last when choosing sides for basketball. Janis Ian reference.

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  2. I'm thrilled that you are back and on the mend! My human and I were so concerned for you, along with everyone else!

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  3. The King Thingy is obviously an onerous, but necessary, mantle you wear. Welcome back to your domain!

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  4. Welcome back! Please, no more such scares!

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  5. What does the Grim Reaper Thingy look like? Did you remind him that you have several more lives left?
    So glad to have you back on your throne Sir!! *Salute*

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  6. Oh Cujo tears of joy from this two legger also, so glad to have you back Sir

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  7. It is so good to hear you decided out was better than in. You certainly must have given your two-leggers quite the scare. Stay healthy Cujo!

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  8. Cujo,
    I am so glad to know that you are ok, of course I didn't know you weren't so reading your post was a quick roller coaster! Not sure that really made sense, but...I am very thankful you are still with us! I would miss your posts terribly!:-)

    Take care,
    Lucy (silent MOD, Troy, Ohio)

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  9. Yup, I'm thinkin' he did. The vet thingy thing, I mean. He must have drugged your peeps, for sure.

    Purrs,
    Nissy

    PS. I had NO IDEA you had been sick. Must have happened when our Internet went down for six days and I was really out of the loop but I'm EVER-SO-PLEASED to hear that you're feelin' so much better and back in fine form, for sure. purrs

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