Seven Card Cujo

Every now and again, the male two legger enjoys getting together with several other male two leggers. They sit around a large table, drink beer, look at small rectangular pieces of paper and exchange money.

At first, I ignored this activity. There was no chaos and very little bloodshed, therefore it held no interest to me.

However, after a while I came to the realization that they were involved in some sort of game.

Now as a feline, I am a huge fan of games. Games are not only amusing, they also serve as a means of displaying ones superiority over lesser intellects.

As is my way, I decided to research this game that the held such fascination for the male.

The game in question is called "Poker".

This should not be confused with a game I already play called "Poke Her". Poke Her is simply the act of walking by Tiger Lily and giving her a poke in the nose. It is very amusing, but seldom involves any sort of strategy.

 There are many different forms of the game, but for the most part they all involve the portioning out of a predetermined number of small rectangular pieces of paper called "cards". Each card thingy has either a number (1-10),  a picture of a royal personage (Curiously, I am not featured at all), or the letter ''A". In addition, each card thingy has one of four symbols displayed in each corner. The four symbols consist of a red heart, a red diamond, a black clover and a black upside-down heart on a stick.

 After secretly examining their card thingies, the players then decide how much their particular combination of card thingies is worth. Using a complicated series of gestures, words and strategies, they attempt to convince the other players that they are holding the best combination at that moment. Sometimes they also try to convince the other players that they are not holding the best cards and thereby try to dupe the other players into throwing more money into a losing cause.

It is all very complicated and I will not bore you with details.

That being said, I saw great potential in forming my own game of Poker.

While the two leggers were at work, I called my fellow felines together and invited (ordered) them to take part in my new game.

Obviously the game we played would be somewhat different from that of the two leggers. Where the two leggers used a deck of 52 cards, we could find only 14 under the couch and three under the icebox thingy. Other than the credit card I have hidden in the kitty carrier, we had no money, but I told everyone to bring all their valuable possessions to use as stakes.

I dealt out the 17 cards evenly. Four for each of them, five for me (it was my deck after all). Jaq immediately bet an old gym sock. Ivan saw the gym sock and hid in the bathroom for the next five minutes (he's odd that way). After convincing Ivan to rejoin the game, I raised Jaq's bet by a catnip mousie thingy and a dessicated moth I'd been saving for a snack. Tiger Lily was unsure of her cards so I folded her. Ivan was still confused and sat there chewing on one of his cards until losing my patience, I smacked him and he hid in the tub again. In his absence, I exercised my right as the dealer and bet for him. I assumed he thought he had good cards and bet everything he had. This amounted to a Q-Tip, two plastic milk jug rings, a shapeless mass that may or may not have been a dust bunny in a former life and a bottle cap he named "Steve".

Now came the time to reveal our cards and determine a winner.

Jaq had a "Canadian" (four A's).

Ivan had a "Kardashian" (all diamonds, but no heart)

But none of them could beat my "San Francisco Flat Tire" (four queens and a jack).

I declared the game a success and plan to hold another one soon.

On a side note, Ivan was very disappointed that the "Royal Flush" he had in the bathroom didn't count.