The Big Booper

It occurs to me that my minions come in a variety of different shapes, sizes, markings, languages, nationalities and species. From fellow felines to those who are subjugated by them. (pretty much everyone else)

There are even a few lovers of dog thingies who read my blog. (they will be assimilated at a later date)

In the spirit of educating those who have been enslaved by their feline betters, I have occasionally used my blog thingy to inform and advise those who may remain uninformed and unadvised.

This post is just such an occasion.

Booping 101 (Worth 12 college credits in most feline based universities as well as The Arkansas Community Veterinary College and Rib Shack) Given that I hold an M.B.A. (Master of Booping Arts) degree, I shall be your professor thingy today.

Booping is an integral function in feline behavior. It is a simple action that has an incredibly simple, yet complex set of meanings and uses. It is probably the most least understood of all feline gestures.

Basically a boop is performed by the booper walking up to the intended boopee. After an appropriate amount of staring, the booper then places their paw upon the nose or head of the boopee. The amount of force used during the booping process is correspondent to the purpose of the boop.

So there is no mistaking a boop, one must always use more force than a caress, but not enough force to be mistaken for a smack. Any blurring of these lines may result in confusion on the part of the boopee.

There are many types of boop. I shall now describe just a few:

The How Do Ya Do? Boop- This is a greeting given to a minion or lesser feline that communicates the sentiment of  "Though you are beneath me, I acknowledge your presence". It is a straightforward nose tap followed by a flick of the tail.

 The Strike One Boop- This is a warning that I am somewhat miffed and if you do not wish to feel my wrath, you will either retreat or bring me a catnip mousie thingy to appease me. It is the most forceful boop and if unheeded may mature into a smack. It is best to lay one's ears back for maximum effect.

The Shooby Dooby Doo Boop- This boop has no real purpose other than the fact that I like saying "Shooby Dooby Doo" and have always wanted to use it in my blog thingy.

The Call of The Whompus Boop- This boop is guaranteed to cause a large, stinky, easily confused, orange tabby to go into a large, stinky, easily confused rage generally known as "Whompus Mode". It generally results in much chaos and mayhem. I recommend a strategic retreat after utilization of this particular boop.

The Measuring Boop- The gentlest of the boops, it is used to determine the optimum distance for an upcoming smack. I find that this boop is best employed against whiny gray tabbies that have annoyed me or may annoy me in the foreseeable future.

The You're In My Spot Boop- The most common of all boops, it is used to evict any unwanted napper who may be napping, sitting or otherwise occupying any space that I wish to nap in, sit in or otherwise occupy. "My spot" is defined as any spot that belongs to me, even if I am physically unable to reach it. This may be limited to, but not restricted to, any spot that I may, or may not, be able to observe.

There is one boop that I reserve strictly for my two leggers. I call it The Smell My Paw Boop. The Smell My Paw Boop is always performed immediately after using the Royal Litter, by placing my paw upon the the nose thingy of my male two legger.

It serves a dual purpose: It demonstrates that the male two legger is an honored minion and it allows him to check my paw for any litter stragglers.