Thursday, March 29, 2012

Fear Factory

A famous two legger once said: "We have nothing to fear, but fear itself".

I suspect that "Fear" was the name of his resident feline.

Fear is a funny thing. Not necessarily funny "haha", but funny "odd". Although truth be told, I do find it funny "haha" as well. I can state this without reservation because I have never felt the emotion. Yes, it is true, your suspicions are confirmed.

I do not feel fear.

It is an emotion that like the Spock thingy, I am incapable of. Bring on the Hoover sucky thingy, I scoff at it. Bring on the sudden loud noise when least expected, it bores me. Bring on the two legger in his futile attempt to sneak up upon me and suddenly yell "PSSSST!" I simply turn and give him a look of utmost disdain.

These meager attempts scare me not.

Occasionally I may feign fright, but I only do this so that the two legger will be chastised by his mate and be forced to offer me treats as an act of penance.

My fearlessness is unique. Ivan fears all things round. (don't ask) Tiger Lily fears the smacking paw. (for obvious reasons) Jaq fears.....well, I'm working on that.

Two leggers on the other paw, fear everything.

No, I misspeak, they fear EVERYTHING. (Note the capital letter thingies to emphasize my point)

They fear the dark. They fear heights. They fear eight leggers. They fear six leggers. They fear four leggers. They even fear other two leggers. I am positive that if there were three leggers, (other than bar stools and dog thingies on Youtube) they would fear them as well. They fear each other. They fear themselves. They fear what may come in the future. They fear what happened in the past. They spend their entire lives in fear of this or that.

They set up elaborate security systems in order to keep their fears at bay.

I have stated all of the above in order to demonstrate their folly.

The one thing they should fear, they instead invite into their lives.


They bring home nature's perfect killing machine. Fully equipped with fangs for tearing, claws for shredding and brains for outsmarting any two legger ever born.

Irony is so ironic.

They fear the dark, We stalk the night. They fear heights, We find the highest places in the household to observe and set set our ambushes. They fear eight leggers, We feed upon eight leggers. They fear vandalism, We are the ultimate vandals.

Mark Twain, a rare two legger that I have the ultimate respect for, once said: "We as humans, underestimate the intelligence of cats. They can be taught any crime."

With a simple purr, a leg rub, a head butt or an innocent display of friskiness, we ingratiate our way into their homes and then subjugate them before they know what hit them. They are completely ignorant of their impending doom or the fact that they have brought it upon themselves.

They are literally  "feeding their own fears".


  1. Which is why I don't have cats, but enjoy reading about them. Well, that and cat allergies.

  2. Oh Cujo! You are so amusingly brilliant! What crime have you learned today? :D

  3. Thanks for thinking of me and sending me a copy of your book thingie. I read it right away and enjoyed it very much. I will also watch for your postings here from now on.

    1. Dr.Donna!!
      So glad to hear from you! I am so pleased that you got the book thingy and enjoyed it. Your care and compassion are sorely missed.

  4. you are such an amazing philosophical kitty...such a deep the analogies!