Saturday, December 31, 2011

Slappy New Year

Today marks the last day of 2011.

The two leggers are all agog at this news.

I am unimpressed.

What is this obsession two leggers have with the passage of time? Why do they feel that beginning approximately six hours from now, the whole world gets a reboot of its hard drive thingy? Everything that has happened in the last 364 days is suddenly irrevocably in the past? Everything that is to come in the next 365 days is suddenly filled with unicorns and granted wishes?

Their optimism amuses me.

It is the same optimism that drives them to accept their furry little masters into their house and then expect these little hell beasts to conform to their lifestyle. They take us home with them and proceed to tell us to not scratch the furniture, not shred the drapes, stay off the counters where they prepare our nourishment, they even expect us to get along with other four leggers in the household. They bring us home with all these noble expectations even though bazillions of scientific studies, experiments and simple common sense have proven that these expectations are completely ungrounded and silly.

Yet, just like when they adopt a cat, the two leggers will wake up tomorrow after a wild night of celebration fully convinced that the next twelve months will bring wealth, health and happiness.

I suspect that there is a defect in their brain thingies.

Perhaps not a defect, but certainly there is evidence that somewhere within their brain thingies there exists a gland, or a node, or perhaps a small organism that is stimulated by a change in the calendar. Maybe it is a side effect of Christmas. It always seems to kick into high gear within a week of Christmas. The gland/node/small organism releases a chemical called "Tohellwithitol" which causes all two leggers gather in large groups, drink copious amounts of alcohol and then watch the talking box thingy until someone drops a ball and sets off fireworks.

If tradition holds, they will then spend the next 52 weeks pining for the "good ole days" of last year.

In my opinion, they should all simply emulate their feline betters.

Enjoy the moment.
Amuse yourself when it suits you.
Allow others to amuse you with their odd behavior.
Do not worry about what tomorrow may bring, it is unwritten and unavoidable.
Do not worry about what happened yesterday, it is written in stone and unchangeable.
Appreciate what you have, but do not fret about what you don't have.
If life gets you down, find a whiny gray tabby and give her a smack. (It is very therapeutic)

And most of all, enjoy the sunbeam while it lasts. It may go away later, but remember, if you keep watching the bay window, it will return.

 To all my minions I wish a very Happy New Year and thank you for a very amusing Old Year.

9 comments:

  1. And thanks to you we will have an amusing New Year! Thank you Cujo:-))))))

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  2. All I can think of is getting another year older and that doesn't please me one bit... although the alternative stinks as well!

    Happy New Year!

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  3. Happy Mew Year!!
    purrs
    >^,,^<
    ♥Abby♥Boo♥Ping♥Jinx♥Grace♥

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  4. We enjoyed this post...gave us a smile. We wish you all a very Happy New Year. May nothing but wonderful things come your way in 2012. Hugs and nose kisses

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  5. Cujo, we are in serious doubt about the brain thingies. C'mon, really? We don't think two-leggers have one. A brain, that is.
    Regardless, they amuse us and (and this is the kicker) they possess the thumbs. So we'll keep them around, in spite of the calendar madness.
    So...Happy New Year!

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  6. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Here's to a healthy and happy new year, my wise pal.

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  7. "tohellwithitol" as always....PURE GENIUS!!!

    Words to live by!!
    THANK YOU FOR being YOU!!

    HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!!
    If you'll excuse me, I have a gray tabby male sitting next to me while I type...noooo...I won't slap him but he is trying to get my popcorn so he better watch out!

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  8. Master, SIR!! I have been remiss in my duties, Sir! I just wanna say I your blog entry was a gem...this is my favorite part :)
    "Amuse yourself when it suits you.
    Allow others to amuse you with their odd behavior.
    Do not worry about what tomorrow may bring, it is unwritten and unavoidable.
    Do not worry about what happened yesterday, it is written in stone and unchangeable.
    Appreciate what you have, but do not fret about what you don't have.
    If life gets you down, find a whiny gray tabby and give her a smack. (It is very therapeutic)

    And most of all, enjoy the sunbeam while it lasts. It may go away later, but remember, if you keep watching the bay window, it will return."
    As Per Cujo the Cat..I Salute You!!!

    ReplyDelete