Monday, September 12, 2011

You Poker, I'll Smack Her

I am annoyed with two leggers.

Not two leggers in general. Well, actually two leggers in general do indeed annoy me, but right now I am annoyed with a specific group of two leggers.

Namely male two leggers. Especially the group of males that totally ruined my Saturday night.

Last Saturday evening, there was a gathering of male two leggers at my house. I was aware that something was afoot when my resident two leggers got home Saturday and began cleaning. However, I was also aware that they were not intending to hold a normal two legger gathering. They did not harvest the dust bunnies. They were cooking frozen pizza thingies and the furniture only received a cursory dusting. They didn't even bother to lock Ivan, me and the Whine-a-nator in a separate room. 

The delivery of an enormous amount of beer signified that this would be a gathering of strictly male two leggers.

The female decided to sequester herself in the bedroom while the male began setting up hundreds of little discs around my dining room table. He also attempted to lay out a deck of card thingies. After looking through about six packages of these card thingies, he finally found a set that had the required fifty-two different examples.

Curious, Ivan and I watched the preparations. I assumed that this was the preamble to some type of odd two legger past-time, but was unable to discern the purpose.

While the male checked the status of the pizza, I decided that the discs (apparently called "chips") would be better utilized on the floor and proceeded to rearrange them accordingly. Obviously the male disagreed with my recommendation and I was chased from the room.

Ivan meanwhile, made a play on the cards and was similarly evicted. We decided to wait and ponder.

Soon, other males bearing beer began to arrive.

Like any gracious host, I greeted them at my front door, but much to my consternation, I was largely ignored. They brought me no catnip. They did not attempt to scratch my ear or pat my head. They did not bow in obedience to me. They did not even utter such inane comments as "Awww, lookit the cute little kitty".

They ignored me.

As you all know, I have great patience when it comes to two legger ignorance. However, this was so far beyond insubordination as to be laughable. I understand their juvenile attempts at ingratiating themselves to the Supreme Ruler of this domicile, but total disregard?

Unpardonable.

We planned. We plotted. We schemed. We napped. (Well, they were here for like five hours)

Soon, our patience was rewarded. The two leggers were soon so absorbed in their "poker" and had consumed so much beer, they grew lacking in vigilance. Ivan, Tiger Lily and I were able to move through the room completely unnoticed.

On my signal, Tiger Lily suddenly leaped at the sliding door thingy while letting out a whine that could pierce....well, something really difficult to pierce. Ivan poofed, jumped atop the table and proceeded to send chip thingies and cards scattering in thirty-nine different directions.

In the commotion, I was able to knock over three bottles of beer and steal five cards.

The sounds of mayhem brought the female out of the bedroom and she chased the males from my house with the water squirty thingy.

I was amused.

7 comments:

  1. They deserved to be chased out, after all, it was they who left their treasures unguarded.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well Big C, another Saturday Night in the annals of You, and it sounds like a classic...This is the first I've heard of this all male beer guzzling card thingy gathering...and you must agree (well maybe YOU wouldn't) that your male two legger has earned some sort of celebration, I mean in light of recent developments and accomplishments...And as we discussed previously, they weren't ignoring you, they were just uncertain of how to behave in your Eminence's presence...although the absence of all the Royal fussing, adoration and such I'm sure was enough to get the Royal knickers in a twist...and still you rule Cujo Cat...farewell Your Highness

    ReplyDelete
  3. and the end of the poker night was more exciting than the poker itself - good job kittehs!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh, we would PAY to see Humans get the squirty bottle treatment!
    Assuming that we had any currency.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Well played, my friends. Well played.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Cujo and Company are very close to becoming Honorary Hooligan!

    ReplyDelete