Sunday, January 2, 2011

Resolution Revolution

Two leggers have an incredibly annoying habit.

Ok, that's a little too non-specific.

AMONG the two legger's incredibly annoying habits, is one that they perform once a year like clockwork. Once a year, every year, right after Christmas, they engage in the most annoying behavior of all.

They dwell in self analysis. They look back on the previous twelve months and try to figure out what they have been doing wrong. They look at all the things that have gone awry in their lives. They forensically examine all the minutiae that make up the crime scene of their psyche.

Then in a burst of ill advised self-improvement, they set out to change EVERYTHING.

Yup, everything.

At once.

They do not emulate Mother Nature with her slow, patient and eternally wise method of slowly sculpting the landscape, one pebble at a time. Turning a creek into a stream, a stream into a river, a river into a torrent over an expanse of time.

They jump right on their bulldozer thingy and start figuratively breaking mountains and scalping forests.

They have to quit nasty habits, lose weight and start giving more to charity. They must get more organized, clean the uncleanable closet and start going to church again.

Before February.

All two leggers have in their genetic makeup an annual alarm clock thingy. This alarm clock thingy goes off without exception on the Second of February every year. It signals the demise of every promise that the two leggers make on the First of January. If the goal has not been met when the alarm thingy goes off, the two leggers mutter a collective "screw it" and await their next bout of self analysis.

Silly and self-defeating if you ask me.

Two leggers should (as always) take a lesson from us feline types.

Say "Screw it" on the First of January.

We do not dwell on what is wrong in our world. We dwell on what is RIGHT in our world.

"I've put on a coupla pounds this year" This means I was well fed.

"I didn't go to Church this Sunday" I said my prayers Saturday and slept in on Sunday.

"I didn't eat healthy food" I ate food that tasted good.

Now I'm not saying two leggers should not give more to charity, this is an activity that I happen to agree with.

Please have your two leggers send their donations to:

Thank you for your support.

I guarantee it will go to a good cause.


  1. We have forwarded this post to our Human. She pathetically did NOT make any resolutions so now she'll have one.

  2. I think this is quite profound, insightful and right on target!

    I actually read on "I Have Cat" a much better word instead of "resolutions" is "refinement". I like "refinement" better because it isn't definitive like "resolutions" are. "Refinements" are ongoing..."resolutions" are black and white. I don't think in black and white, only shades of gray!

  3. Caren,
    I like "refinement". I shall recommend it to the two leggers (though I doubt they'll listen, they are a bit thick.) Thank you for the suggestion.

  4. Our mom said "Screw it" on December 31st. MOL.

  5. Fortunately, we cats don't have to concern ourselves with resolutions since you cannot improve on perfection.

  6. We love the way you think Cujo!


  7. Guinea Pigs always make resolutions to better outwit, outsmart, and guilt-out our two-legged into thinking we have been neglected, starving, that she has been a lousy "rescue caregiver" who has not lived up to her self-aggrandizing title as "Cavy Slave"...we love guilt, we LOVES IT, Cujo!
    Works every year! We make that resolution each night though, and only ANNOUNCE IT on...NEVER!